yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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