i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Randomize
