Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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