o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
