What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
