You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I supernannyed him into submission
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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