i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
