I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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