I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
