He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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