my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
