Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
