Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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