i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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