Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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