she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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