You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
