Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
