A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
