just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
