there's paper in my vomit.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
