I want to walk on stilts...naked
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
