Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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