I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
the condom got lost in my hair
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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