I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
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