you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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