tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I am full of burrito and curiosity
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I need to calm my uterus...
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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