I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
