We're facebook friends in real life
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
