They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
