I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
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