Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
