If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
