i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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