My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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