I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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