Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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