those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
