Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
