NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
You did what with his pubic hair?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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