Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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