So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
