I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
