I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
