Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
