My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
