you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
