Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize