Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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