Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
