I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
