I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Your cock deserves a montage
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
