Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
