i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
