oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
