So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
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You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize