I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
