I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
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I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
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Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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