Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
