u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
