just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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