so let's talk penis.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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