Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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