dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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