I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
