i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I believe in your delicious
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
