you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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