I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
