Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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