I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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