can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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