Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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