so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
