I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
