Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
