If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
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If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
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Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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