I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
