How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
ok first of all what the fuck
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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