these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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