note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
