she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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