I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
