You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
